Inability to feel joy

Even at this high dose of valium (60 mgs) a day, I am barely hanging on, my body is spitting it out like nothing, which is odd. I feel the heightened state comming back in only after 14 days at this dose. I called the Doc and he has no other meds to offer me. I never thought I would need med's in a million years!The sun is shining, and a day I would usually love, but even with the valium, the part of my brain that feels pleasure, joy, love, drive, enjoyment, etc. is dead due to what happened to me.Some of the family went to a movie today, something I would have enjoyed before 11/7/08 as well. but I cant sit still, or follow a tv program, or grasp much of anything. So I sit here writing, and waiting with the last bit of faith I have left that God is watching out for me, and help to heal me is comming soon! I miss my life! I cant cry today, that heightened sense is back, which doesnt even allow that emotion to come out. I hate this, I hate my life. I have NEVER ever abused my medication, but its not working, which is weird, and the doctor has nothing else to offer me at this point. God Please Help Me!!!!