my new life since taking Deplin

I am in hysterics, if thats what you call it. I went to the psychiatrist wanting to get off the valium I was on (15 mgs a day) and being put on other meds to help me. Instead he raised my valium to 60 mg's a day. It helped for a few days to some extent, but no longer works, and in some ways I feel worse, more suicidal than ever. Never dreamed I would be suicidal.Anyway, this isnt the right doctor for me, so I went to a new one yesterday(march 2nd).I am still going to have to take the high dose of valium for a while, while I add new meds, so we know what is what as far as side effects go. Taking Zyprexa and Lexapro now as well.Never dreamed in a million years I would ever need these types of meds what so ever.I have no control over what ever imbalance happened in my body and brain due to the Deplin reacton, if I did, I WOULD BE BETTER! I just want to scream at the top of my lungs right now.I hate the way I feel. This heightened state with no cause that I can think of is INTOLERABLE! I need to get well, I still cant feel any pleasure emotions, laugh, feel joy, etc. Worse than you can imagine. Just praying He will be the one who will know how to treat me, or a better way to help me. Praying these meds might bring me back to even some resemblance of who I was before taking the Deplin. This doctor really listened and cared, so I have hope that is the right one to help me, as far as I can be helped. However, I still have symptoms such as muscle twitching, and shaking, so likely nervous system damage imo, that meds arent going to fix. This is my last straw. Holding onto my last thread of hope and faith! I dont even know how Im going to make it until then..... Ive been living this for 115 days!!!! Enough is enough. I wish I wouldnt have taken the deplin! If only I could go back.....
3/4/09 The new doctor took a lot more interest in my symptoms, what happened, and actually listened, and took much more time to determine how to help me. I think this one will actually help me the best he can, and really seemed to care.
And not being heard, yelled at and sworn at like the last one was also a major plus.
Keep praying!