The Darkest Place

You cant imagine how awful this feels. And makes no sense. This heightened state that the huge dose of 60 mg's of valium a day is barely sustaining. There is nothing behind the heightened state, no compultions, nothing, just feel like I dont want to be in myself anyore. The inability to feel any pleasure, joy, laughter, fun, cant watch tv, or read anymore, it holds no meaning, nothing does.My kids miss me, and I miss them, even though I am still here, I am not here. & not for them.I would have never dreamed this possible. It is beyond comprehension. I called the Dr. again, and he has nothing else to offer me aside from the valium. I am hopeless. I developed a mental disorder/illness overnight due to a drug reaction that was not treated. It is out of my system now, but the damage is done!I can respond with a smile, but it isnt real, just a reflex of the old me. Many of the physical symptoms have subsided other than muscle twitches/jumps, and my body feels beaten, joints aching, and still shaking quite a bit. There is no point in my life anymore, without being able to feel joy, without happiness, laughter, love, there is no point in living! I keep praying, and others have prayed for me as well.I still cant believe this happened to me. And I doubt anyone reading this can really even begin to comprehend how this feels.There is no point to my life anymore, it is a miserable existance, but I dont want to die either, I just want to get better, to be rescued, but it has been 109 days since I took the Deplin, and I havent felt one single good feeling or emotion since. I dont even remember how it feels to laugh anymore, or enjoy anything.I recall what a loving, laughing, happy person I was, but she is gone. This is the darkest place to be! Someone please help me!It may not beable to be explained why this reaction happened to me or why it effected me this way, but it did happen. All I want is my life back, to love and smile and laugh, and live again.
Posted by Jencon at 2:24 PM